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Why do Therapists Focus on the Past?

After studying therapy for so long, it is easy to forget that things that seem obvious to me are not so obvious to others. For example, I have a client whose dad was absent from the time she was 4 until she was 9 years old. To me, it is obvious that this would have a large effect on who she is today and the symptoms she is experiencing. For her, this was a shock, and being 15 she responded with, “Dead ass?” This is not an uncommon experience for me when working with clients, and I have found that I often take for granted that people understand the complex ways they are affected by their past. This post aims to clarify the relationship between our past experiences and the present. 

Present Focused Therapy

Therapeutic approaches vary in how much they focus on the past. Solution-focused therapy, for example, is present-focused, meaning therapists using this approach will spend limited time on past experiences and exploring the family of origin. Other theories use past experience as a primary way of helping clients reach their goals. For example, Bowen Family Systems Theory uses genograms to map out family history for at least three generations.

 

Although many therapeutic models do not focus on the past, the majority of therapists view past experience as a major contributor to present symptoms. Present-focused therapy models do not deny that the past is important, but believe the best way to move forward is a focus on present experience, and this works some of the time. However, some symptoms will not go away until the past is faced. 

Memories of the Past

This leads me to the first misconception about the past I encounter: The past only impacts me if I have a traumatic memory or if I am stuck on particular events. The 15-year-old I mentioned earlier had no memories of sadness or distance with her father. For this reason, she believed that period of time was irrelevant to her present experience. Parents also often believe that since their child does not remember something, it must not be impacting them. 

 

There are two reasons this view of the past is inaccurate. First, it is common for traumatic or difficult periods of our lives to be forgotten. This is the defense mechanism called repression. Repression happens when difficult memories are forgotten because they are too difficult to face, and to be conscious of them would be overwhelming. Due to repression, you cannot assume that just because you do not remember something, it does not impact you. Sometimes, the most impactful events of our lives are too much, so they are pushed far out of conscious memory, manifesting in unrecognizable ways. 

 

Second, even if there is no “emotional baggage” being repressed, the past always impacts how the future plays out. It may be true that the 15-year-old does not remember her father’s absence, and she is not repressing emotional pain from this. Nevertheless, her relationship with her father today is different due to his absence in the past. It is impossible for her present reality not to be impacted by past events. Looking to the past is an essential part of understanding the present.

Generational Impact

The last misconception about the past I encounter is this: If I disconnect from the past, I can be different than my ancestors. I meet many parents who are determined to parent differently than their parents. They cut off contact and try to start fresh. The difficulty is that generational curses do not recognize cutoffs. Those parents who focus most on being the opposite of their parents are often doomed to become just like them. The past always impacts the present, and this is true of the many generations that came before us. You want to be different than your father because he was emotionally distant. Your father was emotionally distant because his father was abusive. His father was abusive because his father was a war veteran suffering from PTSD. This is an oversimplified chain of events to illustrate the complex ways generational patterns impact who we are. If the past is cut off and ignored, we are doomed to repeat it, even with things that happened decades before we were born. 

 

It is important to recognize the impact of the past if we are to be free from its influence. For this reason, the past is a common theme explored in therapy. We are impacted not only by moments in our lives but by events that happened generations ago. As a Marriage and Family Therapist, I have special training in helping people change family patterns and overcome past trauma. A wonderful part of my job is journeying with people through the complex world of the past and changing the present because of it. 

Resources

Intergenerational Transmission Process:

https://www.thebowencenter.org/multigenerational-transmission-process

Solution Focused Therapy:

What is Solution-Focused Therapy? Landing Page

Bowen Family Systems Therapy:

https://www.thebowencenter.org/core-concepts-diagrams

 

 

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