Date Your Spouse
It is common to hear the advice to “date your spouse” nowadays, and this seems like sound advice. The importance of maintaining a friendship in marriage by continuing to spend time together even after the wedding appears obvious. But why is it so difficult to do, and how important is it? Today, we will explore the challenges couples face in trying to maintain an element of dating in their relationship and why it is even more crucial than you may think through the lens of the Invariant Prescription.
The Challenge of Spousal Intimacy
The challenges of dating your spouse can be immense, even for the strongest couples. Having children further complicates the issue by adding more demands on time (with sports often becoming a full-time commitment) and necessitating childcare arrangements for private time with your spouse. It is incredibly easy to slip into a routine that allows little or no time for nurturing the relationship with your spouse.
The Invariant Prescription
The invariant prescription is a therapeutic technique developed to address the difficulties of dating your spouse and to remedy the negative impacts of a weakened spousal connection. Proposed in 1989 by a group of Italian theorists known as the “Milan group,” the invariant prescription is a directive given to every family or couple seeking therapy, hence its name. It involves the spouses going out together while keeping the details of the outing completely confidential. This includes information about where they are going and what they will be doing.
Benefits for Couples and their Family
Working primarily with families, the Milan group discovered that a strained spousal relationship generated many negative consequences for the family, ranging from behavioral problems to mood disorders in children. Therefore, they began recommending that every couple go out together, keeping the details a secret. The aim was to strengthen the bond between the couple. While the idea of a date improving the relationship is clear, the necessity for secrecy is quite novel. This secrecy encourages a relationship that is exclusive and unique. It may seem trivial, but having a confidential shared experience between you and your partner fosters intimacy and adds exclusivity to the relationship, helping to protect it from competing external demands.
Conclusion
Incorporating the invariant prescription into your marriage can bring significant benefits to both your marriage and family. It provides a fun way to reconnect or maintain a connection with your spouse without added pressure. Additionally, there are many affordable date ideas that allow you to enjoy time together without straining your finances. If your relationship has deteriorated to a point where the invariant prescription is insufficient, consulting a couples therapist could be beneficial. As a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Justin Perry has been trained to assist couples in achieving lasting growth in their relationships.