The amount of books, podcasts, and unsolicited parenting advice is staggering. Everybody has an opinion on how best to raise the perfect child, and it typically contradicts what you heard from someone else. Also, there is the marketing. Are you a gentle parent? How about a whole brain parent? Panda parent??? Navigating this flood of information is enough for any parent to feel drowned and inadequate. How is one to choose?
Narrow the Field
The first step is to narrow the field. It is impossible to read all the information on parenting, and for this reason, most sources of information must be cut from consideration. Here are some helpful criteria for deciding what makes the cut. First, is the source reputable? Anyone can grab a mic or a computer and spew out parenting nonsense. What qualifies them to speak on this issue? Qualities to look for are the person’s character, educational background, family life, and clarity.
Character
Character is an important aspect of parenting. Harvey Weinstein has kids and I imagine opinions on parenting. Celebrity status does not equal character or parenting ability. It is best to cut out parenting advice from those with more clout than character.
Education
Educational background is also an important factor. There are no hard and fast rules because great advice can come from anywhere, and a Ph.D. is not required to be a good parent. In the same way, a Ph.D. is no guarantee of quality parenting advice. That said, formal education in psychology and family life studies is a good indication that a source is of decent quality.
Family Life
A connected and well-adjusted family is the greatest proof that a parenting style works. A dysfunctional family is an indication that something is not working. This is no reason to judge the author, however, being nonjudgmental does not require you to listen to their advice. For example, The Spark is a memoir written by Kristine Barnett detailing how she adapted to her son’s autism to help him achieve intellectual success. Although I have never read it, reviews of the book describe it as inspiring. This may be so, but is it a trustworthy source of parenting guidance? The year the book was published, Kristine and her husband divorced. Additionally, Kristine has received allegations of child abuse from her adopted daughter, Natalia Grace. While drama may be entertaining, it is not good for parenting advice. Most people feel they have enough drama in their families.
Clarity
The final criteria is clarity. You want advice that is easy to understand and apply to your life. Don’t spend too much time on overly complicated parenting techniques and schemes. When it comes to parenting styles, simple is better.
Choosing a Style
Once superfluous voices and ideas have been cut out, it will be much easier to benefit from parenting advice. The next step is choosing a style. There are many to choose from, and they tend to have catchy titles and “tribes” of which you can be a part. However, asking which one you should choose is the wrong question.
Don’t Limit Yourself
Limiting yourself to one author’s way of doing things hamstrings your ability to parent effectively. It is good to take in information and consider advice, but you know your child best and what works for one author will not automatically work for your family. As you read quality sources, try different things and see what actually works for your family. It is easy to be caught in the trap of believing you are doing something wrong because a technique doesn’t work no matter how hard you try.
The Right Balance
Parenting requires consistency without rigidity. Too rigid and you will find yourself pushing things that won’t work for your family. Too lax, and you will find nothing works because nothing has been really tried. It helps to have another person to help get an accurate idea of what is working and what is not. A family therapist is a great resource for parents trying to achieve this difficult balance. Parents experiencing behavioral and psychological difficulties with their children receive great benefit from the objectiveness and expertise of a family therapist.
There are many great resources available for parents wanting to grow. These range in focus from connection with children to dealing with behavioral issues. Parents must weed out poor resources based on the credentials and character of the author. Additionally, a tough balance must be achieved between consistency and flexibility that can easily grow to be too rigid or lax. A therapist can provide objective feedback and expertise to help parents achieve their goals, especially when dealing with behavioral or emotional difficulties in children.