It is easy to feel alone when feeling stuck in your relationship with your partner, yet couple’s difficulties are extremely common. The CDC reported that 42% of marriages end in divorce. The most common reasons for divorce are infidelity and finances. Whether you are married or simply dating, couples counseling can be an effective way to get the relationship unstuck. 

Reasons for Couples Therapy

There are many reasons couples may need couples therapy. One reason is too much conflict. Disagreements and stress can lead to yelling, criticism, and contempt. Once these patterns take root, they can be difficult to eradicate. A therapist can act as a third party to help identify negative patterns and assist the couple in understanding and changing them. 

A couple may feel more like roommates than romantic partners. This happens when an emotional coldness takes over the relationship. Because they do not fight, these couples may be assumed to be better off. This is not always the case. Cold distance can be more detrimental to a relationship because it is easier to ignore it and pretend that things are okay. 

Some couples have already decided to separate or divorce, but are struggling to move on from the relationship and feel overwhelmed by negative feelings. They also may face complicated decisions around finances and child custody. A therapist can work with the couple to help mediate disagreements and help the family successfully transition if there are children involved.

Types of Couples Therapy

Therapists use many different models for couples therapy. The model I use most often is Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy. This evidence-based therapy model builds trust in a relationship by understanding emotional feedback loops that prevent a couple from connecting. 

Depending on the goals and personality of the couple I am working with, I also use Bowen Family Systems therapy. This model explores generational patterns that are manifesting in the present relationship. 

Who Can Benefit?

Couples Counseling is effective regardless of race, culture, or sex. Those who wish to benefit from couples counseling must be willing to attend sessions regularly and be open to working together with their partner for change. Couples counseling is not helpful if there is active substance abuse, domestic violence, or an active affair. 

Resources